As I get older, I realize how much of growth comes simply from the time spent living and the additional time your brain gets to process things. For some context, I started playing League of Legends in 2014. I was an avid gamer; in fact, my NYU college application essay was based on my journey with this game, the insights I gained from it, and how it transformed me. I played it for eight years–more than a third of my life while writing this–and I think I was borderline addicted, though it took me a while to come to terms with it.
I played so much that I remember once playing for 19 hours straight in a single day in college, I eventually stopped after graduating. I’m not entirely sure how it happened; I had tried deleting the game multiple times, especially during the 2018–2019 era. I started university in 2019, and I really wanted to move past League because each year the game seemed to be getting worse. You had to grind more games to climb, since the system expects a 50% win rate and would team you with trolls if your win rate was higher, meaning you had to be like ten times better to actually climb.
League was the only game I committed to, aside from Clash of Clans–my generation’s “Labuba dolls,” haha. Oh, wait, Beyblade was like that for us too. For my young mind, I think League wasn’t exactly healthy, but it prevented me from falling into other addictions, like FIFA (sports betting), Call of Duty, or experimenting with weed.
The first two years I was trying to find a champion to main, and from 2018–2023, I mained Sona and mostly played support. Anyways, I managed to reach Diamond 3 on EUW in 2019–before university started, so I couldn’t grind after that–but that was enough to satisfy me since reaching Diamond had been my goal since 2014. Back then, getting to Diamond was the hardest thing I’d done, even harder than A-levels. Diamond 3 placed me around ~20,000 out of 3 million players in my server, and I achieved that on a fresh new account since one needs a account to have healthy MMR to climb fast. I had to level it up to 30 myself, since I couldn't afford to buy LVL-30 accounts as a broke kid. It took me around 50 games to reach high Platinum in the new account, which surprised me, as I didn’t realize just how good I got at the game. I’m flexing a bit now because getting to Diamond without buying accounts, playing from the Middle East with 150 ping, and on a shitty PC running 50 FPS is impressive to my present “boomer” self, haha.
That too playing against European players who had 25 ping in Diamond–the top 1% of the player base–while juggling A-levels, GCEs, college applications, and extracurriculars, shows how a person will make time if they are passionate about something. No one had to motivate me to watch hours of league coaching videos or play over 2,000 hours of League throughout the years.
I ended up as one of the top 25 Sona players in the world. People knew about my Sona; during low-peak hours, morning-time on the EU-West server, Diamond players would ban Sona just because they knew someone was one-tricking her. I could play other supports at a Platinum level but not at Diamond level, so I couldn’t climb higher without Sona. I couldn’t pivot–like any business putting all their eggs in one basket, I was stuck. But my Sona, could have performed at Grandmaster level if I could spam her in higher lobbies without being target-banned (maybe this is cope idk).
Back then, I used to watch a Twitch streamer, Tyler1, when he was just getting popular. In one stream, a 12‑year‑old asked him how to get to Challenger (top 200 players in a server like EUW, which had around 3 million players back then). Tyler1 said something that stuck with me. He said it’s all about getting older. As he got older, he naturally became a better gamer, smarter, and better at strategy. Back then he was in his mid‑20s, and he said even when he was 18 he saw that the 25‑year‑olds were naturally smarter and sharper at thinking and decision‑making.
This idea of how age shapes perspective came back to me while watching the finale of White Lotus Season 3, highly recommend it by the way. Each season isn’t tied to the others, so you can watch it without starting from the beginning. In that episode there’s a character, Laurie, who’s basically going through a midlife crisis, coming to terms with her life, friends, and choices. Out of her friend group she’s the “mess‑up,” the one who didn’t get promoted to the executive position she’d devoted her life to. At the end of the vacation, she gives this little speech to her best friends. Here it is:
That’s funny ‘cause if I’m being honest, all week I’ve been so sad. I just feel like my expectations were too high, or… I just feel like as you get older, you have to justify your life, you know? And your choices.
And… when I’m with you guys, it’s just so, like… like, transparent what my choices were, and my mistakes. I have no belief system. And I… Well, I mean I’ve had a lot of them, but… I mean, work was my religion for forever, but I definitely lost my belief there. And then– And then I tried love, and that was just a painful religion, just made everything worse. And then, even for me, just, like, being a mother, that didn’t save me either. But I had this epiphany today. I don’t need religion or God to give my life meaning because time gives it meaning.
We… we started this life together. I mean, we’re going through it apart, but we’re still together, and I… I look at you guys, and it feels meaningful. And I can’t explain it, but even when we’re just sitting around the pool talking about whatever inane shit, it still feels very fucking deep.
I’m glad you have a beautiful face. And I’m glad that you have a beautiful life. And I’m just happy to be at the table. I love you.
Over here, the same idea about time being in itself a growth factor–something that helps you learn and makes you naturally smarter–is highlighted again. No wonder when we see a 100‑year‑old person, no matter their career in their past life–whether they were an executive or anything else–we inherently feel like there’s wisdom there. Time itself gives wisdom regardless of anything else. Time is OP (overpowered). I don’t know why, in this culture, people are afraid of getting old. Yes, there are drawbacks, but like anything, time takes and also gives.
Here’s a picture from when I reached high Platinum in just a few games–I had even made a Reddit post about it back then. God, I can’t believe how I was able to sit at my desk for 10 hours straight without sleep, just gaming. It was nice to be young, haha. Even now, in my 20s, I can’t imagine sitting for even one hour playing League. It’s so bright, so many things happening at once, and it requires such high reaction speed that I feel like a boomer. It even gives me anxiety now because it raises my adrenaline. I used to drink Red Bull back then because I thought it would increase my reaction speed–RIP my poor heart.
Anyways, the main reason I came to hate League was that I realized League of Legends had become a scam. Back in early 2014, I loved the game because you’d have about one in four matches where all ten players would try their best, strategize, and genuinely work together to win. Competing with five other players who were as invested as you felt rewarding. Even losing those games was fine, because you were in the flow state the whole time.
As the years went on, that ratio dropped. By 2018, maybe only one in eight ranked games was that amazing, ideal game where everyone was at their peak–playing champions they were masters in and fully engaged in the match. By 2023, it felt more like one in thirty games. At that point, you weren’t even sure why you were playing a game that made you rage all the time. People were trying new champions in ranked matches, not playing with passion, strategy, or spirit. Life is short–why do people half-ass things? Why not commit to one thing in life? If not jobs, then at least in video games. People should try not to autopilot and aim for excellence in at least one field of their life. But such is life, I guess. We are who we are, and one should accept everyone and their disposition.
What surprised me most is how much grace is needed to quit something addictive. I couldn’t have quit without some higher power or grace taking pity on me. I was addicted, but in 2023, after graduating, one day when I moved back home from the dorm–maybe it was a reset from the new environment, I don’t know–I suddenly had no desire to play League anymore. I didn’t experience any withdrawal symptoms for the first time ever. I’m grateful for that. It gave me so much more respect for people fighting serious addictions, like alcoholics, because alcohol withdrawal can kill you–look it up, it’s brutal. League withdrawals just makes you depressed, but it’s not fatal. No wonder in AA’s 12 steps, many of the steps talk about coming to terms with how bad the situation is and realizing, accepting, and surrendering to the faith that only some higher power or grace can save you.